I've seen it a dozen times and it's STILL funny every single time.

(I apologize if I've already shared this.)



I have NO idea what it has to do with chocolate, but I don't care. I love it and I want to marry it.

This is my journal. For personal reasons I've recently decided to make all (or most) future entries Friends Only. There may be the occasional public post, but for the most part I've gone underground. I'm hoping this is a temporary situation and I'll be back to posting for all to see soon, but for now, this is the way it is.

ANYWAY.... all the entries before the big switch will remain as is. In other words, most of my old entries are still open to the public and will likely remain that way. So, if you happen to skim through, like what you see, and want to see the "hidden" stuff, speak up. I'll most likely add you back if you've had your own journal for awhile and don't seem like a total psycho.

I'm not dead. Just haven't had anything post-worthy to write about.

---

Weighed in yesterday. I am down a grand total of 24.8 lbs.

This puts me in the next weight bracket. (By that I mean, for example, I was in the 140s and now I'm in the 130s. I'm not ACTUALLY at that weight... just using it for example's sake.)

It also puts me JUST past the halfway mark to my current goal. (The goal is a little flexible. I could certainly lose more once I'm there, but we'll see how I look/feel.)

Plus I'm right on target. According to one of the posters on the wall at the center, "Independent studies have shown that Jenny Craig members who attend 90 percent of their weekly consultations lose an average of 16 pounds in 10 weeks, 24 pounds in six months, and 30 pounds in a year." I started in May. I'm just about to hit the 6 month mark. Granted, I really feel like I should have lost MORE by now, but I've been slacking recently. I think I gained and lost the same 2 pounds all throughout September. But I'm back on track and in a losing trend again.

We interrupt your regular reading to bring you this message.

Down another 0.8 for a grand total of 22.8 lbs lost.

That is all. You may now return to your regular reading.

*yawn*

Soooooo tired. But just enough time to make one quick entry before getting undressed and getting to bed.

---

Weighed in again tonight. The grand total is now.................

22.0 lbs!!!

At times, it doesn't seem like much. I guess because it's coming off slowly (which is a good thing, really). And other times, like this week..... it seems like a TON. As previously mentioned, I went shopping for new work pants and jeans earlier this week.... and I wore the new stuff when I came back to work starting Wednesday. No less than 5 different people at work have commented on my weight loss in the last three days (I could swear there were at least 2 others, but I can't remember who right now). Heck, even *I* have had to do a double-take in the bathroom mirror a few times. I didn't realize how HUGE and unflattering my old pants had become. I love the way these look on me now.

*happy dance*

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I might be meeting a guy tomorrow. Not exactly a date really. He's working at a semi-local event tomorrow afternoon and he said I should stop by. It sounds like it could be fun, but Stacy has a work event, Dana has a 40th birthday party to attend, and Ann is busy with wedding plans.... so that means I'd be on my own. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But it would be nice to have someone else there with me so I don't feel so goofy.

He's 37, seems nice, and he's CUTE. *fingers crossed*

While on vacation, I went shopping. Got some new pants/jeans since my old ones were becoming tent-like on me.

Since being back at work and wearing them, I've had several people notice how much weight I've lost. Glee!!!

Weigh-in tonight though. I was kind of bad the first half off vacation, but I think I recovered in the second half. I even got in some exercise too!!! *fingers crossed*

Ohyeah...... forgot to mention.........

20.2 lbs!!!

Took a little longer than I had planned. Between the dates I had gone on and general diet naughtiness, I kept losing and regaining the same 1 or 2 pounds for a couple of weeks.

But I am officially past the 20 pound mark. Now if I behave myself this week, I won't slip back into the teens again. *fingers crossed*

Back from my 4-hour date.

He has a VERY nice apartment. *evil grin*

Me likey him. Him likey me. *giggle*

Oh! And lunch date with David tomorrow.

*happy sigh*

Down another 1.4 today (pretty impressive considering I just weighed in on Monday). Which brings us to a total loss of........

18.4 pounds!!!

Dudes. If I am EXCEEDINGLY good this week, I could hit the 20 pound mark by next weigh in.

Somehow it doesn't seem like that much now that I've lost it. My current weight is still a lot higher than I'd like. But my clothes are UBER-loose. I keep trying to hold off on buying anything new since I plan to continue losing.... but the jeans I'm wearing today are soooo baggy on me now. Perhaps I need to splurge a little this weekend and get a couple new things to get me through this "transition" period.

Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!

Just got home a little while ago from a first date. One that started at 7:00pm. So a VERY nice first date, obviously.

He likes me. Said so more than once. Flattering. Especially because he's pretty damn cute. And smart. And funny. And a good kisser.... oop! I've said too much. :)

Details tomorrow when I come off of Cloud 9 (and when I'm not so tired). Nighters!!!

Still working the diet. The last week or two has been rough. I'm giving into temptations when I totally shouldn't. But still losing. 0.5 last week, 1.1 this week. Would have been better if I had stayed on plan and actually got off my ass to exercise. But a loss is a loss.

So far, I've lost a grand total of 15.8 pounds since early May.

Boo-fuckin-ya.

Oh, and as of yesterday, I'm down 10.2 pounds in 4 weeks.

WHOOHOO!

I still miss Keith. Sometimes I miss him terribly. But I'm getting better.

I'm talking to guys. Making dates. Yadda yadda.

But I still dream about him. I still think about him. A million silly things still remind me of him and make me sad. (Today I saw the word "llama" and giggled to myself remembering how he'd pronouce both L's.... "la-lama"... just to make me laugh.)

If he was to call and say he missed me too......... I don't know. It's probably better that he hasn't.

But, I'm getting better. Slowly. Excruciatingly slowly. But little by little, I'm getting there.

Kiva is a microloan organization. People such as you make small loans in multiples of $25.00 to very small businesses around the world. The loans have a very high rate of repayment.
Tiny businesses, or sometimes individuals, borrow money to allow them to expand. Sometimes it's giving them the ability to buy enough stock to keep a store open every day rather than closing when they run out. Sometimes it's a water pump to let them make bricks rather than carrying water up from the river in buckets.
These are very small changes that make great differences in the lives of people in third world countries.

The Website is http://www.kiva.org. Take a look. They take donations via Paypal or credit card.


Crud. I wanted to post a couple of example ads, but I can't seem to make it work. Well, here's some links to the loans instead.

Maota A Center - Group 2

Khaduji Abbas Hassan

Mary Nkrumah

I know... it's impolite to talk about money. I never said I was polite.

---

I'm so thankful that I've been careful with my credit.

I went to get pre-approved for a mortgage this morning. I had no idea what to put for an amount, so I decided to be totally nuts and ask for $200,000. I figured I wouldn't get anything close to it, but they could counter-offer with whatever they WOULD give me.

They countered with $192,000.

Well, shit! :)

The places I've looked at online so far aren't nearly that high. And then between my savings and the money my parents are insisting on giving me (since they helped my brother and his wife buy their place) for a down payment, I'll need even less.

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

Now I just need to actually find a place I like and buy it. *gulp*

I'm home today. Got a doctor's appointment this afternoon, so instead of driving all the way in and then all the way back, I'm taking the whole day off.

The plan is to shower, stop at the bank(s) to get pre-approved for a mortgage (to see how much I can afford), then get a pedicure, maybe do some shopping, then the doctor. A nice relaxing, no stress day.

---

Work has actually been GOOD lately. People are still annoying, but now they're also annoying Kathy now, so I don't feel like it's all me and my issues. These people really ARE pains in the ass. lol

But other than that, I'm actually getting shit done again. I've had a list of "special projects" that Kathy wants me to do for ages. Once in awhile I make a little progress on something, but I always seem to get pulled into something else before I can finish. But this month.... well, I'm kicking ASS. I've finished 4 projects this month alone. And three others are just waiting on final approval from other departments before I can call them complete. I am actually enjoying going to work lately.

Plus, I've also been spending every lunch hour for the last two weeks outside on the patio reading a book. The weather has been positively GORGEOUS, so I'm taking advantage. PLUS.... there's a cutie who comes out to smoke (ick, but I can get him to quit *wink*). I've seen him SO many times, but I've never talked to him. Heck, I still don't even know his name! LOL But we've smiled and said hello to each other during my lunch breaks, and it gives me giggly smilies. lol

---

Speaking of boys.... I might have a date! I met David on a new site, and he's REALLY cute, really funny, and seems sweet. He wants to take me out for coffee hot chocolate. I gave him my number. When he calls, we'll schedule something. I'm kind of excited! :)

I also need to re-establish contact with a couple of guys I was talking to in March before I pulled back to take "some time for me". One especially. The cute, younger corrections officer. There's something about him I really liked.

---

Ugh. It's 9:00 already? Yipe! I gotta hit the shower. But I'm trying to watch last night's episode of Big Brother (since I missed it last night). Have I mentioned that my mother has gotten me addicted to reality shows since I've been here? Big Brother and Survivor. I haven't watched either show since the FIRST seasons.... and now I can't stop watching!!!

Ok kids. Back later! Toodles!!!

I haven't gone on a date yet.

Ian was very nice, and very interested. He invited me to a Rangers game a few weeks ago but I couldn't go (plus it might have been a tough first date..... if things were awkward, there's no good exit strategy... you're stuck for the whole game).

Dan was also nice. A little younger, but CUTE. And a corrections officer. And seemed intelligent (he could actually write a coherent email... which I'm finding is rare). But we got close to the finally meeting stage and I backed off. I might try to reestablish contact with him though.... I kinda liked him.

Stu..... well, Stu seemed like a loser. I have zero interest, and yet he keeps text messaging me. I think he finally got the message that I'm not interested though.

I got a new email yesterday. He's 37. 6' 1". He's a cop in Westchester. Irish. Not bad looking. I'll have to email him and see where it goes.

But I don't know if I'm REALLY ready yet. I want to be, but something is holding me back a little.

---

Tom has been emailing me too. Some of you may remember Tom. I "dated" Tom a few times, years ago. Before Keith. To be honest, it was mostly physical. But goddam, it was HOT.

He's been in touch off and on since then. Even while Keith and I were together. He'd email me, or we'd talk on AOL via IM..... maybe every few months or so? He'd try to get me to meet him to hook up. Lemme tell ya, it was SOOOO tempting. I knew was I was missing, ya know? But as exciting as the idea was, I didn't want to cheat on Keith. The odds of him ever finding out were probably zero (as Tom kept reminding me... over and over and over).... but *I* would have known. And I loved Keith. If he had done that to me, I'd be devastated. I didn't want to risk my relationship for some wild encounter.

So, anyway, been talking to him again a little. I'm considering meeting up with him again. To be honest, he's not exactly relationship material.... at least not in my eyes. But a little hook up might be what I need to get my ass moving. Tom is cute, he knows what I like, and it's goooooooood. It might be the boost my self-esteem needs right now. Something casual, no strings attached.

I dunno. I suppose I should focus on finding someone who wants the same long term stuff I do. Then again, maybe Tom wants that stuff too. We never really got into it much.... we were too "busy". ;)

I made an analogy in a recent comment.... it seemed kinda silly at first, but the more I think about it, the more I like it. I mentioned it in therapy on Wednesday and she liked it a lot too.

My situation right now feels like I had made plans and packed my bags for a trip to Hawaii...... but suddenly the plane was diverted to Alaska. Permanently. Now, Alaska may be wonderful, but it's not what I was prepared for, so I have to adjust. In the beginning (read: now), I'm still hanging out at the airport (my parents' house) hoping the airline (Keith) will somehow find a way to get me to Hawaii (our happily ever after) before my vacation time is over. But soon, I will have to accept that I'm stuck where I am and I have to make some changes so I'll be comfortable.

My bags are full of shorts, t-shirts, and bathing suits (plans for a wedding, a home, and the rest of my life with Keith). I have to let go of a lot of that in order to make room for stuff I need for this new climate. Maybe some of the stuff I already have can stay.... jeans, shoes (some good memories, and lessons learned).... but not much else. I have to get sweaters, jackets, gloves (new apartment, new furniture, new hobbies).

The longer I stay at the airport and gaze out the windows, the more interesting Alaska seems. But I spent a lot of time researching Hawaii. I put a lot of time and effort into planning my Hawaii trip..... and to have it yanked away from me when I was already on my way.... well, it sucks. Hawaii is still there, I just can't seem to get to it. And just when I think I've unpacked all my Hawaii stuff and I'm ready to venture out into unknown Alaskan territory...... I find a stray sandal at the bottom of my suitcase (something small and stupid that reminds me of Keith), and I remember what I REALLY wanted and I find myself disappointed all over again.

Deep down, I know Alaska will be fine. Maybe better than fine. But I don't have much choice in the matter, so I've got to suck it up and try to make the best of it instead of sulking at the airport and letting time pass by.

See? I told you it was stupid. But it fits.